Chapter 17: A Small-Town Girl (OOC)

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Darker

HVB wrote:

Weird guy walks into bar, sits next to complete stranger, "hey baby, what's in that drink? I mean seriously, werewolves murder everything, amirite. Now tell me what you know about goblins cause you're short like them so I know you know."
This exact conversation is why I don't go to bars anymore...


That captures Avar perfectly. Then end it with, "Oh yeah, Go Empire!"
Board Rider
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Hahaha....I guess you could read it that way. That's not exactly what is going on but you can certainly jump into the conversation pool and make everything better.

Fixxxer
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HVB wrote:

Weird guy walks into bar, sits next to complete stranger, "hey baby, what's in that drink? I mean seriously, werewolves murder everything, amirite. Now tell me what you know about goblins cause you're short like them so I know you know."
This exact conversation is why I don't go to bars anymore...

This exact conversation? I suddenly find myself wanting to know which bars you used to frequent.

Board Rider
Board Rider's picture

Knowledge local on the food maybe? Also, does Garren want to chip in with the diplomacy?

I rolled 1d20+5, the result is 13, 5 = 18.
HVB

Quote:

Also, does Garren want to chip in with the diplomacy

I think Garren is relying on his natural je ne sais quoi.

Talanall
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Board Rider wrote:

Knowledge local on the food maybe?

Avar has never heard of any customs among the local halflings to the effect that eating with them or accepting gifts from them obliges you in any way.

The fact that these little guys are offering eyeballs to Avar as "the best part" is a little weird for Avar's sensibilities, because Aureshan culture has a food taboo against mammal eyeballs (fish eyeballs are okay with all but the most fastidious eaters, but most Aureshans draw a line at ocular tissue from anything that can, for lack of a better word, scream).

Wæs se grimma gæst Grendel haten,
mære mearcstapa, se þe moras heold

Fixxxer
Fixxxer's picture

That the eyeball is a sort of honored guest right tickles my memory a bit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGVdYiM5IXw

Talanall
Talanall's picture

Indeed.

It's also a Pratchett reference.

Wæs se grimma gæst Grendel haten,
mære mearcstapa, se þe moras heold

Darker

This is where Alannah brushes over Kya's biceps and comments how much she must workout.

deadDMwalking
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I don't know if anyone has seen Apocalypto, but there is an early scene (probably the first) where a band of hunters kill a Tapir. One of the hunters is given the testicles as a 'special treat' in part because it is supposed to help with fertility. It turns out to be a pretty disgusting part to eat... This could be part of a jokey set up.

Regarding Diplomacy, Garren is generally too direct and too severe to be very good at it. The character is based in part on a school principle that I liked, but that doesn't say much. (Mr. Brooks, Taft Elementary Orange CA circa 1989).

Here goes (literally) nothing.

Diplomacy
I rolled 1d20-1, the result is 8, -1 = 7.
Board Rider
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Well, at least Avar can add horse eyeballs to his list of culinary experiences.

MinusInnocence
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I already removed 1gp for Oskav's room at the inn. How much for dinner?

"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats." - H.L. Mencken

Talanall
Talanall's picture

Standard fare costs 3 cp; this includes a mug of cumis or tea. Stable accommodations for your mount cost 1 sp/night, covering fodder and basic grooming.

Additional beverages over and above those included in the meal service, as well as other amenities, are shown at https://www.dndarchive.com/comment/22933#comment-22933.

Wæs se grimma gæst Grendel haten,
mære mearcstapa, se þe moras heold

MinusInnocence
MinusInnocence's picture

We'll call it another gold piece even and paint the town red. I want Oskav soggy, sore and not sure if he should be regretful tomorrow morning. His horse, too. Fuck that horse.

"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats." - H.L. Mencken

Talanall
Talanall's picture

The way things are going, it's probably good that Oskav isn't a tall woman.

Wæs se grimma gæst Grendel haten,
mære mearcstapa, se þe moras heold

Talanall
Talanall's picture

Also, what did this horse do to Oskav, other than just exist?

Wæs se grimma gæst Grendel haten,
mære mearcstapa, se þe moras heold

MinusInnocence
MinusInnocence's picture

Glitterhoof's crimes are so profane and egregious all horses must bear the same mark of shame.

With enough ari, Oskav hopes the new horse could be mistaken for a particularly tall woman. That way everyone can enjoy punishing it for the sins of its brother.

"Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats." - H.L. Mencken

Talanall
Talanall's picture

This one is a gelding. So I guess he could count that as punishment. Maybe.

Wæs se grimma gæst Grendel haten,
mære mearcstapa, se þe moras heold

HVB

So, safe to assume everyone's going to be shitfaced and we'll have one fewer horse by the time Alannah and kya come back??? Haha

Talanall
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The horse probably is going to be fine, and I suppose Chuul might not indulge. Or maybe he'll have a couple, but stop in time to be a voice of sanity restraint.

Wæs se grimma gæst Grendel haten,
mære mearcstapa, se þe moras heold

Fixxxer
Fixxxer's picture

When the orc barbarian is the voice of sanity, you know things're fucked.

By night's end, Chuul will use the sauna. Unless pressed by the halflings to try the ari, he won't indulge beyond the drink he has now and will drink water with dinner.

Board Rider
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How much for the horse head and ari?

Talanall
Talanall's picture

By the time Avar finished up with the halflings, I guess everyone was at least four shots deep into the ari. Figure it's priced like table wine (on the one hand, it's distilled, but on the other hand it's brewed out of something the halflings have lots of and don't have to trade for). So drinks came to 2 gp, 5 sp, 6 cp for them. Avar imbibed a similar amount, so figure that his servings came to 3 sp, 2 cp. We'll call that a total of 2.88 gp for drinks.

The horse head and its trimmings cost just pennies, by comparison. We'll call it 0.24 gp.

If Avar's picking up the tab for his new friends, it comes to 3.12 gp in total to cover drinks and food. His desired non-horsemeat cuisine will set him back a whopping 3 cp in addition to that. So 3.15 gp.

Wæs se grimma gæst Grendel haten,
mære mearcstapa, se þe moras heold

Talanall
Talanall's picture

Also, Avar is queasily sure that if he ever sees Darragh again after this, the little pervert is going to turn out to have been in earnest about going to the big city to chase tall women with his help.

Wæs se grimma gæst Grendel haten,
mære mearcstapa, se þe moras heold

deadDMwalking
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I'm deducting 5 to cover Avar and the Halflings meals with generous tips.

Board Rider
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I already changed my sheet DDMW. Avar offered, so he will pay.

Talanall
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If Garren really wants to eat a bullet for Avar, he should just stick around and continue to buy these little guys drinks until they decide that he'll be a better tour guide in Port Hope.

Wæs se grimma gæst Grendel haten,
mære mearcstapa, se þe moras heold

deadDMwalking
deadDMwalking's picture

5 GP to that effect, then. Or maybe so they get blackout drunk and don't remember anything we talked about.

Darker

Curious to hear what the others have gotten themselves into when they come back in, Alannah casts tongues preemptively before entering so she can overhear the halflings speak and possibly talk them out of whatever awfulness she assumes her companions have gotten themselves into.

Talanall
Talanall's picture

"I can't believe you got him to eat BOTH of the eyeballs! That was amazing!"

Wæs se grimma gæst Grendel haten,
mære mearcstapa, se þe moras heold

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